Rainy Days And A Cloudy Heart

My dear sweet daughter came by today and moved my computer into her old room. I was OK when I packed her stuff up, I was pretty alright when a guy came and got her bed. But this; today I filled with such sadness! It's like this act, this moving other stuff back in here is the final proof that she really is leaving me. In less than 2 weeks I will be minus a daughter. I will give her away and she will no longer be mine, but ours; his wife and my daughter. Once I give her to be married to him, I will have lost her. For in marrying, she becomes someone new. This is as it should be, but that doesn't make it easy. Though I look forward to knowing and loving this new person, I grieve the old. I grieve the lost chances to be a better mother, to prepare her better for what she has faced and will face. I grieve for the many hours of wasted time arguing and fighting when I should have been lavishing love on her instead. O God help me let these feelings go and give them over to You.
O God, be what I have not to my daughter, shelter her in Your arms and protect her as she enters this new phase of her life. Fill her with the knowledge of who she is in You so that she will be all she needs to be for her husband. Give her wings to fly on her own, to make her home one of peace and rest where she and her husband can relax and enjoy one another so that they can go out refreshed and renewed in Your service. In Jesus name, AMEN

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I had no idea this is what today was.
To all of those who have lost babies, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I don't imagine to understand your pain, but I know God knows and I know you will be reunited with them someday. I pray God's unique comfort and peace envelope you and your families until then.

Relief and Redemption

I feel so much better than I did last week. It is like night and day. I am more grateful than anyone will ever know for all the prayers and encouragement I have received over these last few days THANK YOU and most of all thank God, Who through all is faithful.
I was able to be a part of my local Body of Christ Sunday and stand and praise the One Who gave all for me with renewed joy and fortitude. Praise His Holy Name, Lord God of All!

Primal Screams And Other Horrors

I let the stress of all the changes I am going through get the best of me today. I ended up doing a few primal screams in the basement, threatening to cut my son's hands off and did and said a few other things that mortify me in the recollection of them.
Please Lord, help keep from defining myself by my actions this afternoon. Lord help me remember Your mercies are ever flowing, and never fail. Help me remember that I am not You and that my failures don't define me.

Tears And A Tender Heart

I am brought ridiculously easy to tears these last few days and in way I feel like I know who I am again. Since I spent over the first half of my life depressed and untreated for it I had always been one to cry "at the drop of a hat". It really hasn't been until the last few years that medication has eased the flow of those tears. When I was a teenager and pretending to be a Christian, so many people remarked at my tears, that I have a tender heart. It is only in recent years I have come to know that in fact I do not have a tender heart apart from Christ; that on my own I am hard hearted and without compassion. All those tears were psychological pain overflowing and brain chemistry misfiring.
Now, this week I am in the throws of depression medication withdrawal and once again the tears flow and I must remind myself of what is real. I must look into my heart and know it is deceitful above all things and that if the tears are coming because I am tired or saw a sad commercial, it doesn't mean I am so compassionate, or overwhelmed. It simply means my brain chemistry is out of whack. To know who I am I must not rely on how I feel, but who God says I am in His Word. I am more than a conquer in Christ Jesus, I can rise above this trial through His power. I am chosen by before the foundation of the world by Jesus. My name is written in the palm of God's hand.
Thank you God that reality is found in Christ! (Colossians 2:17NIV)

Beating Around The Bush

I wonder why all desire to communicate must be met with the assumption that there is a point. Isn't it possible that one just desires to connect? Isn't is OK to just feel like hearing how someone's day went? Can't I just need to talk without having something to say?

I am in a fragile state of mind today. Once again I am facing changes in my medication and the effects are not something I would wish on my ex-husband (worst enemy). I did as my therapist advised this time and tried to let people know to gain some sort of support. Good news is requests for prayer have been met with faithfulness from my sisters and brothers in Christ and God. This time I have not become suicidal and out of control. Not so good news is I still don't feel like there is anyone I can talk to, and my most recent attempt was a miserable failure. I am trying to keep from saying I am a failure, trying not to feel I am. I just don't know how to receive help.

If this makes no sense I apologize. Just chalk it up to my muddled mind and pray that I can lean on Jesus right now and maybe I can make more sense later.

Stray Affections Blog Review

In Stray Affections, the last thing that Cassandra expects out of her Sunday is to be mesmerized at a collectors’ convention by a snowglobe. She’s enjoying some shopping time, with husband Ken at home tending their brood of four young boys, when she’s utterly charmed by the one-of-a kind globe containing figures of three dogs and a little girl with hair the color of her own. She can’t resist taking the unique globe home—even if means wrestling another shopper for it!

The beautiful snowglobe sparks long-dormant memories for Cassie, of her beloved Grandpa Wonky, the stray she rescued as a child, and the painful roots of her combative relationship with her mother, “Bad Betty” Kamrowski. Life in Wanonishaw, Minnesota is never dull, though, and Cassie keeps the recollections at bay, busy balancing her boys, her home daycare operation, and being a good friend to best pal Margret. But after a strange—flurrious, as Cassie deems it—moment happens with the remarkable snowglobe, Cassie and the people she loves are swirled into a tumultuous, yet grace-filled, and life-changing journey.

“As a believer, I know the power of forgiveness and new beginnings, and of a God, and family and friends, who love me the way I am,” Charlene Ann Baumbich says. “The heartbeat of change flows through those wonderful gifts.”

With the quirky, close-knit Midwestern small-town feel that made Charlene Ann Baumbich’s acclaimed Dearest Dorothy novels so popular, Stray Affections invites readers to experience the laughter and the healing of second chances.

Author Bio:Check out this video of Charlene talking about her book

Charlene Ann Baumbich is a popular author and speaker and an award-winning journalist. In addition to her Dearest Dorothy series of novels, she has written seven nonfiction books of humor and inspiration. A bungee-jumping, once motorcycle-owning grandma and unabashed dog lover, Charlene lives with her husband and rescued dog Kornflake in Glen Ellyn, Illinois. She loves telling stories, laughing whenever possible, and considers herself a Wild Child of God
Please visit here to find out how to purchase a copy of this book. You can also leave a comment on this post for a chance to win a copy from me. Happy reading.