Can't Make Tracks

I want to run run run away with just the clothes on my back; I want to walk walk walk away and never look back, but I can't make tracks.
I want to scream scream scream that I'm not an idiot; but you won't hear me anyway because you only hear me talk.
If I had a wheelchair I would roll roll roll away; roll into the ocean and at the bottom stay; but I don't have a wheelchair and I can't make tracks.
I want to stand stand stand and do what I need to do but I can't stand and I can't make tracks.
I want to cry cry cry that you don't understand but you just call me crazy so I cry into my pillow once again.
I want to run, I want to walk, I want to stand, I want to cry cry cry but no one understands. My body turned against me and my mind has seen too much. I can only write, and pray and hope that one day I can run run run and make track after track after track.

Ferguson Missouri; My Humble Opinion And Prayer

I live about 130 miles south of Ferguson so I offer this disclaimer; I am not in the middle of this only watching from afar. I also want to point out to anyone who may happen upon this that I am white and don't know first hand what it is like to be black. I talked to someone who has a tumbler account recently and she said everything she is seeing regarding Ferguson makes it sound like the police are bullying a bunch of peaceful protesters. Though there has been a lot of overreaction on the part of the police in the area; that is not he whole story. What happened to Michael Brown was wrong, awful, and possibly criminal. I would like to know how taking to the streets and burning down small businesses that individuals not involved in what happened is an appropriate response. How does all of this violence do anything to bring peace and comfort to Michael's family? Michael's mother has called for calm from the very beginning of this and if she can be patient and wait for an investigation; why then can't everyone? Many of those protesting don't even live in Ferguson; making crowds even harder for the police to handle. I get solidarity, I do. What I don't get is what looting and violence do to further solidarity. Surely there are other things we could be doing to speak to the injustice we see and feel. Prayer services and/ or letter writing campaigns come to mind. Yes, racism and discrimination exists and it is wrong. But I can't think of one example from history that the kind of behavior we are seeing in Ferguson right now has brought about positive change. Malcolm X abandoned his violent stance as did Nelson Mandela. Martin Luther King never approved of this kind of behavior and though he was murdered his family has carried on with that message because it is still a valid message. We cannot respond to ugliness with more ugliness. Peace begins in the heart of the individual who says " I will rise above the darkness, not become a part of it". There is so much that can be said on this topic, so much is wrong with what is happening right now. I urge all to withhold judgment until more is known. I do believe an independent investigation is a good idea so that the results will be believed by everyone. I found this video; he says things I think only a black man can say on the subject. Pardon the swearing here In closing I pray for peace and justice in Ferguson MO. I pray the truth will come out quickly and that somehow we will learn from this madness and tragedy. Grace and peace CAC

Public Mourns The Death Of Robin Williams

I am and many more are shocked to find out that Robin Williams; America's beloved actor and funny man; has apparently committed suicide. I am not a celebrity watcher, I feel that just because someone is famous doesn't give me the right to know every detail of his or her life. Therefore I had no idea Mr. Williams was suffering from depression. I also did not know that he had recently relapsed into drug use. I did know from hearing others talk that he had battled drug addiction. I do know that often the drug addiction and depression go hand in hand. His family is asking privacy at his horrific juncture in their lives, and I do hope they are allowed this humble and reasonable request. I know first hand what losing someone to suicide is like and I know how every one thinking they know details just makes it harder. My goal in writing about this is for one purpose and one purpose only; to shine a light on the need for education, treatment and de-stigmatization regarding depression. The time has come dear public, to shed the blinders we have on that mental illness is rare and won't touch our lives. We need to get serious about getting the word out that being mentally ill makes one week or odd. We need to get it our of our heads that depression is a sometimes feeling that goes away after a while. Though many people may only have one or a few problems with clinical depression there are also a lot of people for whom depression never really goes away. There are of course many posts on Facebook about Mr. Williams death and one just really got to me. A well meaning person said

Depression IS treatable. Medicine, counseling and faith can change things

. There is nothing inherently wrong with this but it just seems trite to me. Really, do you think Mr. Williams didn't seek help? Do you think his loving family didn't make every effort to make sure he went to counseling and doctors? Depression is so much more complicated than this quote indicates that it is. I watched for the third or fourth time a few days ago and movie called Ordinary People . The movie is a portrait of a family who are grieving the loss of the eldest of two sons in a boating accident. The portrait picks up at what appears to be a few months after the younger son has attempted suicide by slitting his wrists. If you have never seen this movie I highly recommend that you find it and watch it Mary Tyler Moore and Donald Sutherland are the parents and deliver a stellar performance along with Timothy Hutton playing the part of the younger son, Conrad. At one point in the movie a girl asks Conrad why he did it and he says;

It's like falling into a hole; a hole that keeps getting bigger and bigger. And you can't get out and all of the sudden it's inside you; you're the hole and your trapped and it's all over.

This is one the most accurate descriptions I have ever heard of what it feels like to be suicidal. My thoughts and prayers are with Mr. Williams family. The coming days, weeks and months will bring much pain. There will abundant sorrow, there will be guilt and there will be anger. I pray that somehow in the midst of all of these, the message of hope in Christ will get through and bring them comfort and peace. If you know someone who battles depression; don't tell them to suck it up. Don't tell them to pray and all will be well. Tell them to get help and be there for them, to listen and tell them the truth. Stay up all night with them if need be, stay up 2 nights in a row if need be. If you don't feel up to doing this or to help you out use this information and lift them to the Throne of Grace and pray to Almighty God that they will get help and choose life. Grace and peace CAC

As Promised...finally

I promised over a month ago to tell more about the Living Proof Live Simulcast at our church Women's Retreat.
I always look forward greatly to Beth Moore events; she is a very gifted teacher who has a style I can relate to well. But I have to admit when I saw the Scripture passage she was going to talk on I was a little let down. Proverbs 31- "yeesh my self esteem is already low Beth, I don't need you to tell me I'm failing to be a "Proverbs 31 woman'!"
But then she said she was only going to talk about one verse- 26..
If you recall the video I posted it was related to this quote " WE as women are teachers and we are published authors; twitter, blogs, etc. and we need to let the Holy Spirit be our editor. We need to...
Eat if before we tweet it
Flog is before we blog it and
Face it before we Facebook it."
She then went on to give us 8 tastes of kindness; explaining what kindness is and in some cases what it is not. By the time it was over I was crying like a baby with repentance, relief and refreshment. The most heart wrenching for me was when she said kindness is a Savior and read Ephesians 2:4-10 and asked "Have you lost the wonder? "Oh yes I said oh yes I have". and though I had it back for a few hours, I say again, Oh yes, Lord I have lost the wonder. I have gone from that huddled form crying in a pew and feeling so refreshed a determined back to a burdened soul from whom kindness is very far away.

Killing Our Children

I did not realize that Thursday the 21st of January; was an anniversary. I very sad 36th anniversary of the passing of Roe v Wade. Jon Piper is very eloquent in

Rainy Days And A Cloudy Heart

My dear sweet daughter came by today and moved my computer into her old room. I was OK when I packed her stuff up, I was pretty alright when a guy came and got her bed. But this; today I filled with such sadness! It's like this act, this moving other stuff back in here is the final proof that she really is leaving me. In less than 2 weeks I will be minus a daughter. I will give her away and she will no longer be mine, but ours; his wife and my daughter. Once I give her to be married to him, I will have lost her. For in marrying, she becomes someone new. This is as it should be, but that doesn't make it easy. Though I look forward to knowing and loving this new person, I grieve the old. I grieve the lost chances to be a better mother, to prepare her better for what she has faced and will face. I grieve for the many hours of wasted time arguing and fighting when I should have been lavishing love on her instead. O God help me let these feelings go and give them over to You.
O God, be what I have not to my daughter, shelter her in Your arms and protect her as she enters this new phase of her life. Fill her with the knowledge of who she is in You so that she will be all she needs to be for her husband. Give her wings to fly on her own, to make her home one of peace and rest where she and her husband can relax and enjoy one another so that they can go out refreshed and renewed in Your service. In Jesus name, AMEN

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I had no idea this is what today was.
To all of those who have lost babies, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I don't imagine to understand your pain, but I know God knows and I know you will be reunited with them someday. I pray God's unique comfort and peace envelope you and your families until then.

Winner Night Watchman

Congratulations Nicole, you have won Night Watchman. I will get to your book to you soon. Enjoy and thanks for your participation.

Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes Blog Tour

My apologies to the author and publisher for the tardiness of this post.
Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes by Robin Jones Gunn
Summer Finley makes a decision to realize a lifelong dream when she is faced with the news of an abnormal mammogram. She heads for Holland where she enjoys tulips, wooden shoes, and her best friend, Noelle,
Noelle and Summer have been pen pals since fourth grade, but have never met face-to-face. Through decades of correspondence, they have developed an abiding friendship. A week of together helps both of them release anxiety and develop a deeper trust in God. When Summer finally reveals the news of her abnormal medical report, Noelle finds the freedom to share a her own deep heartache,and both women discover they needed each other more than they realized.
This book made me laugh so hard at times I cried but also touched my heart tenderly and deeply as well. Summer's exploits in Holland were funny and the descriptions of the flowers and shops and things made me want to go to Holland for myself. That is not easy to do for this homebody. I am sure you will thoroughly enjoy this book in the Sisterchick series. This was my first foray into this particular author's works. I had heard of the Sisterchick books but dismissed them as frivolity. I was quite mistaken in that opinion and plan to catch up on the series as well as the other books this author has written.
Publisher note
Women ages 35 and up, readers of Christian Boomer Lit, and fans of books such as The Yada Yada Prayer Group will enjoy Robin Jones Gunn’s humorous and uplifting style. True-to-life characters and moments of poignancy bring a deeper understanding of the value of life and the gift of true friends. Readers guide and bonus material included.
Robin Jones Gunn is the best-selling and award-winning author of over seventy books, including the Glenbrooke, Christy Miller, Sierra Jensen, Katie Weldon, and Christy and Todd.The College Years teen series. The Sisterchicks® series has sold more than 300,000 units, bringing her total sales to more than 3.5 million books worldwide. A Christy Award winner, Robin is a popular speaker, both at home and abroad, and is frequently interviewed on radio and on television. www.robingunn.com www.sisterchicks.com

For a chance to win your own copy leave a comment on this post. You can also purchase here
Happy reading!

Saints In Limbo Blog Tour

I read this book and thoroughly enjoyed it; but I am running out of time to come up with my own review so I will use the summary from the publisher. I know you will enjoy it too. So please click here to order your own copy.
Ever since her husband Joe died, Velma True’s world has been limited to what she can see while clinging to one of the multicolored threads tied to the porch railing of her home outside Echo, Florida.

When a mysterious stranger appears at her door on her birthday and presents Velma with a special gift, she is rattled by the object’s ability to take her into her memories–a place where Joe still lives, her son Rudy is still young, unaffected by the world’s hardness, and the beginning is closer than the end. As secrets old and new come to light, Velma wonders if it’s possible to be unmoored from the past’s deep roots and find a reason to hope again.

Author Bio
River Jordan is a critically acclaimed novelist and playwright whose unique mixture of southern and mystic writing has drawn comparisons to Sarah Addison Allen, Leif Enger, and Flannery O’Connor. Her previous works include The Messenger of Magnolia Street, lauded by Kirkus Reviews as “a beautifully written, atmospheric tale.” She speaks around the country and makes her home in Nashville.

Night Watchman Blog Tour

The Night Watchman by Mark Mynheir is a great story. I thoroughly enjoyed this book! In fact I have not enjoyed a book as much as I enjoyed Night Watchman in quite some time. The author had me hooked on the first page and it just kept getting better from there on.
Quinn is the hero of the book, but I didn't like him at first. He is rude and mean and drowning himself in Jim Beam and self loathing. There were times I wanted to slap him for the way he treated people, but as the story progressed I couldn't help but begin to like him a little. After all, someone had loved him and died defending his life, so he must have something going for him.
From the gritty dialogue, to the apt descriptions and believable characters, Night Watchman sings with emotion. The tension and drama start on the first page and continue through to the last.
I have never read this author before, but will be looking for more from him and really hope he continues the exploits of Detective Quinn and the lovable Crevis into another book or two at least.
Kudos to Mark Mynheir for a fantastic escape into the story of Ray Quinn. Keep them coming!

Author Bio:
A detective with the Criminal Investigations Unit of the Palm Bay Police Department, Mark Mynheir investigates violent crimes and writes riveting Christian fiction. A U.S. Marine with a passion for martial arts and firearms training, Mark has worked on narcotics units, SWAT teams, and myriad high-risk situations. His four novels offer a realistic glimpse into the gritty world of law enforcement and the rarely seen raw emotions behind the badge. Mark lives in Florida with his wife and three children.

OK folks, if you want to read this book you can purchase it here or you can leave a comment on this post for a chance at winning a copy. Happy reading!

We Should Never Forget

Today is a very sad anniversary. You should know it is the 7th anniversary of the worst act of terror on US soil. Including the 19 hijackers, 2,993 people died in the attacks. Another 24 are missing and presumed dead; bringing the probable total to 3017. Dead in a matter of minutes if not seconds, for no other reason than they showed up to work or do business.
My heart is heavy with the fear, turmoil, sorrow and anger that this day brought and is still bringing to our Nation. I hope I never become indifferent to the great loss that came with this day, and pray for softened hearts for those who may have done so.
I am praying for the families of these victims of terror, for our Nations leaders and our Soldiers. Won't you please do the same; whether you support the war or the President is not of import. What is important is that there are people who are still deep in grief, those are deeply angered and frustrated, those who are willing to sacrifice their very lives to insure our safety and those who struggling to make good decisions in a season of great turmoil.