Should Have Read This Yesterday

I subscribe to several blogs but usually don't have the ambition to actually keep up with them. This is something I have been feeling bad about and hoping to improve upon, so I was glancing at my Google Reader on my homepage and a title caught my eye. I clicked on it and found this . Notice the date, God was trying to communicate with me but I was not listening; better late than never though, right?
Sorry for the pity party yesterday, thanks for your support.

It's My Birthday & I'll Cry If I Want To

I hate my birthday. I usually really do wish I were never born, and hate that on my birthday people actually want to celebrate my birth.
Ya I know it's not a good Christian attitude, but it is how I feel. Most days I can ignore how I feel about myself but this day smacks me right in the face with it.
Now I fear I sound ungrateful for all the well wishes and gifts, and that makes me feel even worse. I'm sorry. I do appreciate everything. I am just glad this day is almost over!

Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes Blog Tour

My apologies to the author and publisher for the tardiness of this post.
Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes by Robin Jones Gunn
Summer Finley makes a decision to realize a lifelong dream when she is faced with the news of an abnormal mammogram. She heads for Holland where she enjoys tulips, wooden shoes, and her best friend, Noelle,
Noelle and Summer have been pen pals since fourth grade, but have never met face-to-face. Through decades of correspondence, they have developed an abiding friendship. A week of together helps both of them release anxiety and develop a deeper trust in God. When Summer finally reveals the news of her abnormal medical report, Noelle finds the freedom to share a her own deep heartache,and both women discover they needed each other more than they realized.
This book made me laugh so hard at times I cried but also touched my heart tenderly and deeply as well. Summer's exploits in Holland were funny and the descriptions of the flowers and shops and things made me want to go to Holland for myself. That is not easy to do for this homebody. I am sure you will thoroughly enjoy this book in the Sisterchick series. This was my first foray into this particular author's works. I had heard of the Sisterchick books but dismissed them as frivolity. I was quite mistaken in that opinion and plan to catch up on the series as well as the other books this author has written.
Publisher note
Women ages 35 and up, readers of Christian Boomer Lit, and fans of books such as The Yada Yada Prayer Group will enjoy Robin Jones Gunn’s humorous and uplifting style. True-to-life characters and moments of poignancy bring a deeper understanding of the value of life and the gift of true friends. Readers guide and bonus material included.
Robin Jones Gunn is the best-selling and award-winning author of over seventy books, including the Glenbrooke, Christy Miller, Sierra Jensen, Katie Weldon, and Christy and Todd.The College Years teen series. The Sisterchicks® series has sold more than 300,000 units, bringing her total sales to more than 3.5 million books worldwide. A Christy Award winner, Robin is a popular speaker, both at home and abroad, and is frequently interviewed on radio and on television. www.robingunn.com www.sisterchicks.com

For a chance to win your own copy leave a comment on this post. You can also purchase here
Happy reading!

They Call Him Taishi

Bet you can't guess where I am right now? I am roughly 500 miles from home is a place called Suwanee,Georgia. Now you may be asking why am I so far from home? Well it is a very long story but I will begin to tell you here, but you must promise that you won't judge until you have read the whole story which may take a few posts. Just be patient, OK?

Sigh,it all started roughly 5 years ago. My daughter had started an online journal to keep up with her, then, best friend that she had met in 5th grade and and had to leave when we moved at the end of 6th grade.
I made sure she was careful about it; at the time we didn't have a home computer so she had to go to the library to update. When she was 19 she got an apartment of her own with her new best friend and had moved her journal over to a section for Christians. Not long after this guy from Georgia left a comment on one of her posts and they began to talk back and forth through email. He called himself Taishi, but his name is Joshua, and within a few weeks they exchanged phone numbers.
Things went on like this for a few months and then things began to change. They started to argue a lot; he was getting away from Christ and questioning his beliefs and starting to party and do drugs and stuff. Eventually she and him stopped talking at all because he said some really hurtful things to her and she was grieved by that and his unwillingness to give up his lifestyle.
I think it was over a year that they didn't talk then somehow the lines of communication were opened back up. I am not sure who initiated it but she had grown a lot in her faith and maturity and was now able to handle things better and he was learning that he didn't have all the answers as well. At this point we are probably over 3 years into the relationship.
Things went along kind of up and down for about a year of more, her trying to gently nudge him away from his lifestyle, arguments ensuing and apologies and so on.Then her got arrested. Not only was he caught with drugs, but with enough to get charged with posession with intent to distribute, a felony. Waiting for his court day was a nightmare for him and I believe this is what turned him back to Christ. He was really scared he would have to go to prison and very well could have. On his court date he pleaded no contest and got probation, I am not sure how long in total but he got over 6 months of extremely strict probation, he has to be in his house by 7pm!
More later. Remember, don't judge.

Not Dead Yet

Sorry for the delay in updating. I have been mulling over some things, stressing over some things and of late not feeling well. I seem to be reacting to something in the air these days and have a sore throat, coughing, and congestion. But so far no fever. I am a bit concerned about the color of what I am coughing up; but not to the point of asking total strangers about it ( Big Bang Theory reference. If you have never seen the show you should check it out sometime; way funny even if the theme song is wrong). All this by way of an excuse for staying away. But really it is more than that I just am not ready to talk about that here, at least not right now.

I was blessed beyond descripton this weekend at our church's Women''s Retreat. The guest speaker was a woman whose family were former members. God moved them away and I have really missed them. She is so real and so in love with Jesus it is contagious, and she is even more so now than the last time I saw her. She taught on prayer as the purpose of our daily lives, and it was challenging and comforting, and just plain WOW. I will write more later about it.

Today, I was blessed by reading this . Mostly because it fits my life so well right now. It never ceases to amaze me how God can use a dally reading plan set years ago, to speak to me in whatever circumstance I am in. No matter how my life may change, He never does and His Word is always relevant.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord. For now and ever more AMEN

Explanations and Apologies

I took down my other blog in anger and frustration over a misunderstanding that I precipitated by posting criticisms of the Church on a public forum.
The perception is that I did this instead of trying to talk to someone about things first. I understand how this perception has validity to someone who is mostly sane and not chronically depressed.
From a "normal" perspective, it is no big deal to not have a phone call returned for a month and one would not automatically assume the worst in such a case. I, however, am none of the above. I would have to give my whole life story in order for you to really have clue where I am coming from. Suffice to say I do have chronic deep depression.
I became depressed early in childhood and was untreated until my mid 20's and not properly medicated until my thirties. My brain chemistry, unlike some people who have a bout with depression and get better, was irreversibly changed because of this and I will probably never, unless God chooses to deliver me completely from it, be free of it. I am a whole lot less depressed than I was years ago. However, I see through what my daughter calls the "twisted lens of depression". On top of that I am unable to work due to this severely impaired mental state combined with fibromyalgia (and most recently additionally restricted to home by severe neck,and back pain that the MD are still working on the cause of). It might not seem like a month with no phone call is not that long to people who have full lives, working and going to events, etc. But to someone basically house bound, it is a very long time. Most people would not assume under those circumstances that no none loved or cared for them, but would logically realize that past service and attention was proof someone cared, that people just get busy and think no more of it. But through that twisted lens, one feels abandoned, ignored, and without recourse.
I am deeply sorry for any and all hurt my posts about the Church caused.
I cannot tell you how many hours of prayer and tears have been spent over this horrible misunderstanding, and how much I deeply regret what I said, how I said it and where I chose to say it.
For these reasons I am using the same forum to issue this apology as well as personal apologies to individuals I know of that I hurt. If I miss you please let me know, I truly want to make amends.