Shake Rattle And Sift

Finally I'm back; sorry it has taken me so long. There has been some issues with computer sharing in the household.
I have a lot of things rattling around in this mess of mind I have. I will try to sort some of them out here. Firstly I have been thinking a lot about the situations in Iraq and Syria.
I am dumbfounded at the disparity of the news coverage compared to Ferguson MO. James Wright Foley's execution finally caused the attention to come back to what is going on in Iraq. I can't imagine the pain Mr. Foley's family is going through right now but neither can I imagine the choice all those family's in Iraq are having to make just because they don't believe the same way a small group of people think they should. I am also puzzled as to why many Christians weren't saying much of anything about Iraq until they heard about other Christian's dying for their faith. How is it worse that Christians were beheaded and such those who are Muslim etc.? It seems to me it would be worse the other way around because at least the Christians have real hope beyond this life. I guess I am just plain disgusted with human beings right now.
Let me preface my next rant thusly; I try really hard not to be racist; I don't judge people based on what they look like or where they come from but prejudice is; I believe an inescapable human condition.
The situation in Ferguson has finally turned a corner. Last night was; at last, peaceful. I just find it odd and irksome that what made the difference seems to be that Attorney General Eric Holder came to town. Mr. Holder is black. I just have a hard time believing that a white Attorney General coming to town would have had the same impact as Mr. Holder's did. I also saw a poll on the news that 60% of black people approve of President Obama's response to what was going on in Ferguson. Really? He refused to come back from his vacation in an act of support until a white journalist was beheaded in Iraq; but that's okay. Why? Because he is a black president? Why was it okay for Obama to basically ignore what was going on in Ferguson; yet so a previous administration to be vilified for the failings of FEMA during hurricane Katrina? Why do people rage about inequality and then partake of it with the same mouth? Why is it okay to vote for someone on the basis of race alone then cry about racism?
See I think all of these things and have all these questions I am afraid to say or ask for fear that I will be criticized for these thoughts. I just don't understand the way people think. I know I can't understand what it is like to be black; to have the color of my skin be who and what I am before anything else. But does that mean I have no right to say anything? Does that mean I have no right to an opinion?
See, the way I see what happened in Ferguson wasn't " look what those black people are doing" it was " look what those angry people are doing". My concerns were for the families trapped in their homes and businesses that were unable to open or damaged or both. My fear was that the violence would begat more violence; that the anger would give birth to more anger. My fears were realized all to truly and my heart weeps for this country that our communities can so easily be divided and torn apart. In the depths of my being I mourn for the Michael Browns of this world. But even more my heart mourns each man, woman and child whose lives were brutally taken from them by ISIS. My heart is torn in pieces over the parents who had to watch their children starve to spare them torture and beheading. I can't fathom how a world can sit by and so little in the face of these things. How often we as humans bemoan what is wrong with the world rather than reaching out to do something about the things we can change.
I shake my head in sorrow and confusion as these thoughts rattle around in my head and in writing I am trying to sift out all the prejudice and hurt. I cry out to God for patience with my fellow man and especially my brothers and sisters in Christ when I see a lack of empathy for those who don't know the redeeming power of grace through Jesus Christ. My spirit bleeds a little each time I see a professing Christian judge another's sin rather than lift them up. My spirit mourns when I replay in my head things I have said in anger rather than understanding. How easily we spout Bible verses to condemn but forget the words of our Savior that He did not come into the world to condemn it but to save it. I cry out to God to help me see through His eyes and I as I do all the stuff I wrote above no longer matters.
I hope I have not offended any one; it is not my intention.
Grace and peace CAC

Public Mourns The Death Of Robin Williams

I am and many more are shocked to find out that Robin Williams; America's beloved actor and funny man; has apparently committed suicide. I am not a celebrity watcher, I feel that just because someone is famous doesn't give me the right to know every detail of his or her life. Therefore I had no idea Mr. Williams was suffering from depression. I also did not know that he had recently relapsed into drug use. I did know from hearing others talk that he had battled drug addiction. I do know that often the drug addiction and depression go hand in hand. His family is asking privacy at his horrific juncture in their lives, and I do hope they are allowed this humble and reasonable request. I know first hand what losing someone to suicide is like and I know how every one thinking they know details just makes it harder. My goal in writing about this is for one purpose and one purpose only; to shine a light on the need for education, treatment and de-stigmatization regarding depression. The time has come dear public, to shed the blinders we have on that mental illness is rare and won't touch our lives. We need to get serious about getting the word out that being mentally ill makes one week or odd. We need to get it our of our heads that depression is a sometimes feeling that goes away after a while. Though many people may only have one or a few problems with clinical depression there are also a lot of people for whom depression never really goes away. There are of course many posts on Facebook about Mr. Williams death and one just really got to me. A well meaning person said

Depression IS treatable. Medicine, counseling and faith can change things

. There is nothing inherently wrong with this but it just seems trite to me. Really, do you think Mr. Williams didn't seek help? Do you think his loving family didn't make every effort to make sure he went to counseling and doctors? Depression is so much more complicated than this quote indicates that it is. I watched for the third or fourth time a few days ago and movie called Ordinary People . The movie is a portrait of a family who are grieving the loss of the eldest of two sons in a boating accident. The portrait picks up at what appears to be a few months after the younger son has attempted suicide by slitting his wrists. If you have never seen this movie I highly recommend that you find it and watch it Mary Tyler Moore and Donald Sutherland are the parents and deliver a stellar performance along with Timothy Hutton playing the part of the younger son, Conrad. At one point in the movie a girl asks Conrad why he did it and he says;

It's like falling into a hole; a hole that keeps getting bigger and bigger. And you can't get out and all of the sudden it's inside you; you're the hole and your trapped and it's all over.

This is one the most accurate descriptions I have ever heard of what it feels like to be suicidal. My thoughts and prayers are with Mr. Williams family. The coming days, weeks and months will bring much pain. There will abundant sorrow, there will be guilt and there will be anger. I pray that somehow in the midst of all of these, the message of hope in Christ will get through and bring them comfort and peace. If you know someone who battles depression; don't tell them to suck it up. Don't tell them to pray and all will be well. Tell them to get help and be there for them, to listen and tell them the truth. Stay up all night with them if need be, stay up 2 nights in a row if need be. If you don't feel up to doing this or to help you out use this information and lift them to the Throne of Grace and pray to Almighty God that they will get help and choose life. Grace and peace CAC

You Asked For It...And Then Some

My dear sweet daughter has asked me to update; so here I go.
I know I have promised more to come on the Living Proof Live Simulcast we had as part of our church's woman's retreat and I still intend to. But it so happened I found my shared items in Google Reader something very close to my heart that I must share with you all. I suffer from Major Depression with an unusual twist of what my first doctor called Deep Depression and also recurring clinical depression. What all that means is that the length of time I lived with the traumas in my life that had caused me to be depressed and the length of time my depression was left untreated left my brain chemistry permanently altered. Medication keeps me alive but doesn't lift the depression like it is supposed to. I go thorough cycles also, usually related to stresses in my life such as death in the family, severe illness, etc.
Over the last year I have been going through one of those cycles. There have been some major stresses in my life, but there have also been some medication changes. Turns out the kind of medicine that helps the most also damages my liver. To say this a problem is like saying the Grand Canyon is a ditch.
So I read this post by someone I never heard of that was shared by my daughter and I cried all the way through it.

Here you go I hope http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/depression-is-selfishtouches you in some way, or helps educate you, or gives you the tools to educate someone else. Once you've read it would you pray for me, and for all those who suffer from this awful disease. Thank you and God Bless You.

Sigh, Some Say Inspiring, Some Say?

I found this "> on my daughters blog and for some reason it made me cry like a baby.