Me And My Shadow....

This is a portrait taken by a local studio during the Christmas season as a kind of "give back to the community " program. It is me and my son, Jonathan. We also got individual ones; though I have no idea what to do with them. I don't know why anyone I know would want a picture of me, except my daughter and maybe my mom; and my son doesn't have any friends. I went to get the portraits done because of a lost dream of a family portrait I wanted done ever since the kids were in high school. So now I have these pictures and I had this idea for a post to use with this one. You see,J is my son and I love him dearly; he is one of the greatest blessing in my life; but he is also one of my greatest challenges . He has P.D.N.O.S. (Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) find out more here if you care to. He was diagnosed when he was about 6 years old. Of course you ought to know I am mentally ill myself. Turns out the communication problems he has due his mental illness, and the communication problems I have due to my mental illness have us at odds a good part of the time.
I digress; what prompted this blog post was scanning the pictures and remembering that my daughter left a comment that demanded pictures soon after I told her I had some done. This in turn inspired the title because the main thing that makes my son such a challenge to me but also such a blessing is that he has an unusually strong attachment to me. I could go on and on about that but for his sake I won't. Suffice it to say, thus the title of this post.
I love you, son; please don't ever doubt that.

Winner Dear Mom

Once again Brandy Davis wins for the only comment on Dear Mom. Thanks for your faithfulness in commenting Brandy, hopefully some others with catch on too. Happy reading, you can never prepare too early!

Winner Mama’s Got A Fake I.D

Congratulations to brandy davis who wins her a copy of Mama's Got A Fake I.D. I will be contacting for arrangements to get the book to you. Happy reading Brandy!

Happy Mother’s Day Blog Tour Book 2

Encouraging and practical, Dear Mom looks at the heart, instead of just outward behaviors, to help you communicate without the angst, know what your teen daughter’s really thinking—and reconnect.

Though I have not read this book because I have no need of it; from the summary below I think it bears looking into for those of you who have teen daughters or will have soon. 4 turns to 14 in the blink of an eye ladies, be prepared! Post a comment for a chance to win a copy or check out this link to purchase a copy. Once again, happy reading.

Every mom knows how communicating with a teenage girl can be difficult, even impossible at times. One-word answers. Defensive conversations. Daily arguments. How typical for teens to put up such barriers. All the while, moms truly long to know what their daughters really think.

Best-selling author Melody Carlson, whose books for women, teens, and children have sold more than three million copies, bridges this chasm with trusted insight. She speaks frankly in the voice of the teen daughters she’s written for and she tells it like it is: struggles with identity, guys, friendship, and even parents—it’s all here. The straight-talk to moms covers such things as “I need you, but you can’t make me admit it,” “I’m not as confident as I appear,” and “I have friends. I need a mother.”

Instead of focusing on outward behaviors, Dear Mom looks at a young woman’s heart and reveals to moms:

· how to talk to teens so they hear,

· how to connect despite the differences of perspective or years and experiences,

· and how strengthen the bond every mom and daughter ultimately wants.

The lively chapters in Dear Mom can be dipped into topically or used as a read-through tool by moms and daughters alike to understand what motivates or deflates, troubles or inspires—and just in time for Mother’s Day and all the Mother’s Days ahead.

Author Bio:

Melody Carlson is the award-winning author of more than one hundred books for adults, children, and teens, with sales totaling more than three million copies. Beloved for her Diary of a Teenage Girl and Notes from a Spinning Planet series, she’s also the author of the women’s novels Finding Alice (in production now for a Lifetime-TV movie), Crystal Lies, On This Day, These Boots Weren’t Made for Walking, and A Mile in My Flip-Flops. A mother of two grown sons, Melody lives in central Oregon with her husband and chocolate lab retriever. She’s a full-time writer and an avid gardener, biker, skier, and hiker.

Mama’s Got A Fake I.D Blog Tour

Happy Mother’s Day
from WaterBrook Press/Multnomah Books!

Mama’s Got A Fake I.D. shows women that being a mom doesn’t mean losing yourself. If you’re wondering what happened to the talents and abilities you made use of before kids came along, get ready to find yourself again.

I haven't read this, so here is the summary from the publisher. I am sure there are many of you who will enjoy this book. Look for more books for Moms this week, and leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of each one or go here to purchase. Happy reading!

Formula for identity loss:

1. Take one multifaceted, intriguing human being.

2. Bless her with a child.

3. Mix with today’s cultural assumptions.

4. Add the demands of motherhood.

5. Presto! All identity except Mom disappears.

For every woman wondering what happened to the unique combination of gifts and abilities she was known for before kids came along, Caryn Dahlstrand Rivedeneira has good news: in Mama’s Got a Fake I.D., Rivedeneira helps moms reclaim their full identity as creative beings, gifted professionals and volunteers, loving friends, children of God—and mothers.

This inspiring and practical guide shows women how to break free from false guilt, learn a new language to express who they really are, and follow God’s lead in sharing their true self with others. After all, motherhood doesn’t have to mean losing one’s identity. Instead, being a mom makes it possible for a woman to discover a more complete identity as the person God made her to be.


Author Bio

The former managing editor of Marriage Partnership and Christian Parenting Today, Caryn Dahlstrand Rivedeneira has been a trusted voice writing and speaking to women for more than a decade. Today she is the managing editor of GiftedForLeadership.com, an online community for Christian women in leadership. Rivadeneira works from home in the Chicago suburbs, where she lives with her husband and their three children.

My" Dream" Son in Law

My Dear Sweet Daughter asked me a question this week that has been on my mind for quite some time. I was driving at the time, and because it has been on my mind I put her off. I wanted to make sure I had time to devote to her answer. The question she asked me was what do I want for her in a husband?
For reasons to be explained at a later time, this is an issue I have felt the need to address soon, and had even thought about writing a blog post about it. I think her question was conformation for me that I was on the right track.
What do I want in a husband for my only daughter, my baby girl, my Sweetpea? Perfection of course!
OK, not possible, I know, so more realistically; he must be a Believer in redeeming grace bought by the blood of Jesus Christ. The man I want my daughter to marry would love Jesus first and foremost and care more about serving and obeying Him than anything, even her. That said he would treasure her above riches or fame and never cease to honor and cherish her. He would be motivated to provide an income as well as serving in church, which he would attend regularly. He would a hungry student of God's Word studying daily and would pray with her every morning before work and every evening before bed. The man I would hope to have marry my little girl, would understand her weaknesses, and work with her to improve on what she wants and needs to improve while maintaining her dignity. He would readily notice her strengths and help her find ways to utilize her gifts and talents for the Body Of Christ as well as her own edification. He would understand her genetic concerns and wholeheartedly embrace her desire to adopt children and work hard to make that happen at the right time. This man would love her and give his life for her, just as Christ loved him and gave Himself for him, and through this Danielle would know the love of God so clearly it would fill the hole she has had in her spirit ever since her father abandoned her.
Now, please understand, I don't expect all of these qualities right off the bat. I understand maturity needs to develop. But I do believe he should be close to the same level of spiritual maturity as she is. I say this because God's Word says we should not be unequally yoked; see 2 Corinthians . While this says unbelievers I think it also sound advice period. If you yoke two animals with a large difference in strength, over time the animal pulling harder ( the weaker one) will balk. The same is true of people of different maturity levels etc. This reference in Corinthians goes back to a prohibition of yoking animals of different species together, which is what we and unbelievers truly are, and I don't mean to take away from that basic meaning of this verse. I mean only to add an application to the one already obvious.
There it is dear child, I pray you will take this in the spirit offered. Not one of judgment, criticism, or cynicism, but one of caring, concern and hope for the the very best. The rest of you can just wonder about why I chose to write about this at this time. I can tell you, that if there is something to know, it will be revealed in due time.
That said I just want to add that I am very proud of my daughter. I have not always liked her choices, because I knew those choices would end up hurting her. I have not always, in fact more like seldom, done a good job of communicating my unconditional love to her, but it is there. There is absolutely nothing she could do that would make me stop loving her or love her less.
I thank God every day for my children, for they have been my hope, my reason for living, in the days before I knew Christ they were what kept me alive. I do not deserve the boundless blessings they have been to me, I cannot take credit for their kindness and generosity. They got the raw end of the deal in the parent department, yet in spite of that have learned love and taught; are teaching, me to love better. Thank You God, thank You!

Walls of Silence

It is said one's job as a parent is never done and I agree wholeheartedly with this statement. But one can't parent a child forever either and therein is the conundrum.
When one's child becomes an adult and one has not raised them as in the best of ways most of their lives; one is faced with a lot of drama.
I find myself, as a parent who made a ton of mistakes, with seeing my daughter suffer for those mistakes. Not just that, but since my failures(along with those of her father's) have instilled in her a deep lack of trust; she also will not talk to me about her struggles. She doesn't believe that there is nothing she could do that would make me stop loving her, and she doesn't believe I can help her. Her belief is founded in how she saw me most of her childhood. I have been profoundly depressed most of her life and when she needed me most, I was often too caught up in my own pain to notice, and now I fear the same thing is happening again. I have been going through an especially hard time with depression for over 4 months and I have just been struck with this odd feeling the last few days that something has happened, that I have once again missed some pivotal time event or struggle in her life. I see her hurting and I hurt for her, but we pass through our days in silence, pretending our respective walls of pain are merely small hills or bumps.
Trust is an issue for me as well, though I deal express it differently. I tend to give everyone trust just so I watch them break that trust proving to myself that I was right all along and no one can be trusted. My daughter on the other hand holds on to trust like it was precious jewels that she must guard with her life. She would rather die than relinquish it.
How can we learn to stop being the people our past has made us and learn to be the people God knows we can be?

Overdue

I am late in getting to many things of late, not the least of which is replying to my daughter's last few posts.
They are so deeply moving I feel inadequate to comment in my simple convoluted writing style. To say I am amazed is redundant yet true, to say I am moved to tears to see the incredible growth I have seen take place in her over these last months would be a gross understatement of the facts. She stepped out of her comfort zone, which was more difficult than one could imagine; made herself vulnerable in a way she didn't think she was capable of doing and God has been, as always, faithful beyond comprehension. I cannot voice the emotions swirling around in my heart over this. To watch her take these brave steps was so hard, yet it was I who held her hand while she did, just as I did when she began to stand and wobble as baby. I did not want to see her fall, yet I called to her from the across the room when she stood on the cusp of taking her first steps and said " come to me, I know you can do it". To say I am proud of her seems off somehow but I cannot come up with another was of putting it. I don't take any credit for the way she is, in fact I feel she is who she is in spite of me, I also don't credit her completely; though she is amazingly mature and intelligent. I know she would not be the woman she is without Christ tempering her pride and calling her out of herself.
I have made so many mistakes in parenting my children, and I just thank God He has had mercy on them and me, that those mistakes have not cost them as dearly as they could have.
I hope this will serve a sufficient comment my dear one.
I am also late in posting here, both in general and specifically. I mentioned I would be posting about my diet progress soon and as yet have not. I will do so in my next post; no later than tomorrow, I promise.
Neglect seems to sum up my life of late.
I have not been going to church much at all the last couple of months. I have been having a lot of trouble with my back and sitting in church is agonizing, as is standing. I feel like I am disappointing my daughter every time I don't make it, and I am disappointed in myself as well. If I were to be totally honest with myself I would have to say that if I didn't feel neglected by certain people I would try harder to push through the pain and go anyway. Whew, that was hard!
OK, as I said my back hurts so I am going to have to get out of this computer chair and get more comfortable so I need to make this the end of this post.

AM Television Makes Me....

so freaking mad sometimes! I usually don't watch AM TV and this is why; I always see ( hear) something that just ticks me off. Today I somehow ended up stumbling across the Rachel Ray show. Today's topic was centered around the gal who played the wife on King of Queens, a sitcom a few years ago Leah Remini. I will leave you a link in a little bit. First I have to tell you what I think. The deal is this woman and her husband have a beautiful and intelligent 3 and half year old daughter that still takes a bottle, sleeps with them and keeps them up all night giving her first, milk, then another 4-6 bottles of water, and change her diapers. Yes diapers, that they need to keep their bed dry from all the liquid this kid is consuming. The excuse offered for this state of affairs is that they cannot stand to say no to her, it hurts Leah's heart to hear her baby cry. OH MY STARS! What does she think being a parent is all about?
I know people who have had just this sort of upbringing; their parents loved them into useless, lazy, manipulative people. I italicize loved because this is not real love people! It is not a healthy love. A parent has to love a child enough to say no, to see them hurt a little now to save them huge hurts later on. They have to love them enough to realize that they saying yes to them all the time will bring them nothing but misery when they get out into the world and realize not everyone will give them everything they want. Get real Leah! Love hurts! Love takes sacrifice, guts and determination.
I cannot begin to address every issue brought up in the show, see it for yourself and let me know what you think.
One thing that gets me is she talks about all the advice she has rejected and brings up that some have told her the child is manipulating her and Leah is like " Manipulating me to do what love her?" I practically yelled at the television.
"Manipulating you to get what she wants, cultivating a very unpleasant trait that if not dealt with now will follow her into adulthood and make her unable to have healthy relationships. If this is what you want for her, by all means give her a bottle until she graduates high school! Most people want to see their child learn more intelligent ways of getting their needs met, and try to teach children they don't always get what they want.
Why don't people understand the job of a parent is not to be liked, not to give all a child's mind can conceive of wanting, or be best buddies.
My daughter has heard this all of her life; the job of a parent is to raise up productive members of society. For Christians it is try to raise godly productive member of society.
OK I'm done, thanks for the use of the soapbox