Can't Make Tracks

I want to run run run away with just the clothes on my back; I want to walk walk walk away and never look back, but I can't make tracks.
I want to scream scream scream that I'm not an idiot; but you won't hear me anyway because you only hear me talk.
If I had a wheelchair I would roll roll roll away; roll into the ocean and at the bottom stay; but I don't have a wheelchair and I can't make tracks.
I want to stand stand stand and do what I need to do but I can't stand and I can't make tracks.
I want to cry cry cry that you don't understand but you just call me crazy so I cry into my pillow once again.
I want to run, I want to walk, I want to stand, I want to cry cry cry but no one understands. My body turned against me and my mind has seen too much. I can only write, and pray and hope that one day I can run run run and make track after track after track.

New Year New Challenges And Blessings

Wow; what a long time it's been since I posted.  I have no new excuses.

I do; however, have wonderful news.  I am about to be a grandma for the first time!  My sweet daughter and her new and much improved husband are having a little boy in May.  His name will be Joseph  I really should have written about this much sooner.  Lack of enthusiasm has no bearing on not writing about it though.  I am beyond thrilled.

In light of the impending birth of said grandson I decided to leave my hometown of the last 18 1/2 years and move to where my daughter and son in law live.  I uprooted myself and my son and with  my daughter's help ( a lot of help) we packed up and moved. We are currently staying with my daughter and son in law and looking for a place to rent.  Adding two people, two dogs and a cat to a two bedroom condo is interesting to say the least.  I am overwhelmed at the generosity and kindness of my daughter and son in law.  

Thanks kids!  I love you.   

Where I'm At

The pain is always there lurking; it's fury quieted by the pills, so many pills that you begins to trust. You think that with the shots and nerve burns and medicine; that you may be able to push through and endure.
Then one day you sit down on a yard sale chair (left out too many seasons in the weather; you think too late) and crrrrraaaackkk and as it shatters so does all the faith you have held on to over the last 2+ years. You hit the concrete amongst pieces of the chair and the crescendo of pain sends you sprawling down the slippery slope to the dreaded Pit. The place where sleep is a precious diamond illusive and coveted. A place where showers area Mt. Everest that you are unequipped to climb You slide down to the edge of this Pit so dreaded, so dark and so horribly familiar and comfortable. The Pit pulses in anticipation at your decent. The stench is nauseating yet intoxicating too; and you are once again faced with the decision; do you keep sliding and welcome the darkness? Or do you begin the painstaking work to build your faith once again and let the Light shine once again?
Maybe tomorrow...

New Diabetes Research Article

I found this to be of interest so I decided to share.
I hope it is of some help to someone.

Here's To You Lonely Blog Follower

I gather from an email that was sent to me with writing suggestions that someone misses my writing. I do apologize for the lengthy absence. I really am having trouble with the whole motivation to write thing. It seems often the motivation strikes and the computer is not available and then it's gone. Yes, it is a flimsy excuse since all I need do is ask to use the computer but oh well: there it is.

Big sigh and onward.

I have a lot on my mind lately regarding my father.
In order to understand how all of this transpired one must first somewhat understand the dynamic of my family. My father is married to a woman who is only about 5 years older than me; wife number 4. She has done some things that, well just say if I were Santa Claus she would be on the naughty list for life. My brothers and I do not have a working relationship for some bad things in my past. I don't want to go into detail just trust me when I say it is not petty. Okay, so here we go. I found out by reading a comment one of my brothers had posted on Facebook that some thing was wrong with my dad. I called to find out that he had been taken to a hospital ER due to having passed out. When I called his wife didn't say much just what that he had passed out on the kitchen floor. She then handed the phone to my dad and he said a doctor had not been in to see him yet. I thought I would get a call back when information was available. I was wrong. I did not hear back and when I called back I was told he has a blockage in his neck. I was not told how much of a blockage is was but told that he would have surgery the following day which was a Sunday. I got home from church and checked my phone; no one had called. I thought maybe they got a late start on the surgery so I waited a few more hours. No one called so I called again only to find out the surgery had been postponed. On Monday the same brother posted on Facebook that he was wanting prayer for my dad adding that he had 90% blockage in his neck. The routine was the same Monday; no one called me. I called and talked to my dad again and he told me the blockage had been removed and he was waiting to find out when he could go home. (My dad hates hospitals more than most people) Something about the way he was talking made me realize he wasn't really clear on what was done to him so I called the nurses station and asked for information. I was told he had had a heart capacity test and no stent was put in or anything done with his neck. By then I was ready to scream and throw things in frustration! Here I am stuck hundreds of miles away with no one to get any real information from!

I continued to call every day, sometimes twice a day to try to find out what was going on. He continued to believe that he would be released any time. When I called Tuesday he said the doctor had not come back in to see him at all on Monday and he was fed up and wanted to go home and have his church pray for him. Sure enough, when I called back later that day he was home.

God has been dealing with me about trusting Him and I have to say this one has been a whopper of a trial in that regard. I know God can heal my dad miraculously and completely without the help of modern medicine. But I also know all wisdom comes from him and doctors are gifted by Him. Yet I can't make my dad choose to let doctors do what they want to do and I can't intervene. Okay God, here I am trusting You that You have all this in Your Mighty hands and if You choose to take my dad home to You I will have to be okay with that. I want to see him again before that happens but I know I will see him again in any case.

Excitng New Venture

I have decided to join the team of a company called Jordon Essentials. Please check out the website; I will try to answer your questions but I am new to them myself so be patient with me.
I chose this company because of two main factors; they are founded by Christians who try to run their company with those principals and they don't require minimum sales to stay with the company or auto ship products.
Since joining the Jordon Essentials family and getting my kit I have discovered many exciting things about the products. I am excited; please pray for my success in this new venture. This is my store.
Thank you for your support.
Grace and peace
CAC

The Commercialization Of Church-Money Changers In The Temple?

Please hear me when I say that I am not trying to sow dissention among believers by anything that I write. I am writing my thoughts and opinions as of this moment which may change as God gives me knowledge or conviction on them.

It has been on my mind for a while now what I see happening over and over again with churches. I see several in my community and many more nationwide that seem to missing the point. I say seem to because I don't go to all of them. However God's Word says we will know by their fruit and the fruit I am seeing is not pleasant to eye or good for food as it were.

One thing I see a lot are electronic signs going up at churches. I know we live in the age of information and we want to give people what they crave by putting everything we have available on a sign. I get it, I really do. But I don't like it. I don't like it one little bit. When I see electronic signs at a church it just doesn't feel right. I seems more like a business. Of course that is what a lot of churches have become; businesses. Many are incorporated; like a business and it makes me think of Jesus throwing the money changers out of the temple.

*sigh* And then there are the coffee bars and bookstores inside some churches. Hey I love me some coffee and I am all for having a fellowship time around coffee before church. I am not for selling the coffee. Again, I get the idea behind it; serve up some lattes and make sure people actually get to the service on time because they didn't have to stop at a Starbucks or some such place before church. I get wanting to be relevant and all that. Maybe the price of the coffee only covers the cost of making it; I don't know. I have never attended a church that has a coffee bar in it. I have only seen one when attending a concert at a church and the coffee bar was not open at the time. Still it seems to me to be a slipper slope. Just what lengths will churches go to in order to be trendy? Will we put circus performers in the lobbies? Will we have Ice Bucket challenges in masse in the church parking lot?

I hear the argument for these things to be that we are called to outreach the get them hooked then reel them in
thinking. But aren't Jesus and the Apostles our examples of outreach? Did they go into a town and put on a show? No, they came proclaiming the Gospel. Yes, Jesus and the Apostles performed miracles but never in a showman way of doing it. In fact Jesus often withdrew from the crowds after performing a miracle. Look at your Bible in the Gospels and see if I am not right. When we worry more about how many people we have in church than sharing the Gospel in church I believe we have missed the point.

Just when did the Gospel, the fact that God's Son left Heaven, became a little baby, grew into a man without sin and allowed Himself to be murdered, rose from the dead and ascended back into Heaven so that anyone who believes on Him would be free of the curse of sin and live with God forever; when did this Gospel become boring? When did the Gospel become irrelevant? When did the Gospel start coming in second to programs and hooks?

I am often asked if I watch this preacher or that preacher on television. Most people are shocked that I do not. I don't because many of them are more about hawking their special study Bible, or their book, etc. than preaching the Word of God. Many spend more time asking, nay pleading for money than they do helping one understand more of what the Bible says and how to apply it to our lives. Many live in mansions and drive expensive cars while widows and orphans go without to support their ministry
. Many speak at churches that are filled to the brim with people in expensive suits and designer dresses and shoes who would turn away a homeless person outside the church but give faithfully to support the ministry. ( I have nothing against wealthy Christians per say just those who are hearers of the Word and not doers of the Word who put themselves on pedestals claiming God has blessed them) No, don't watch most preachers on television. I hear and see on Facebook people quoting some TV preacher or other and I just shake my head. When did we decide we would rather follow men who talk well instead of Jesus?

These are things I ponder when I see those electronic church signs. And I pray, I pray that what people find inside that church isn't as flashy as the sign; but more glorious than a million blinking lights- the truth from God's Word.

Getting tired here folks; hope I didn't ramble too much.

Grace and peace CAC