National What Day?

Ok I just saw something on Twitter that made me very sad. Today is National Coming Out Day No it is not for debutantes. Wow a day set aside for people to feel free to admit to being homosexual, gay, lesbian, or whatever one is supposed to call it. Really? Do we need such a thing? Do we as a nation really need such a day? Do we have a National Adulterers day? Do we have National Gossipers day? Do we set aside a day for slanderers, idolaters, or murderers? Oh how about National Child Molesters Day?
DO NOT misunderstand me I am NOT promoting hate, again I am NOT PROMOTING HATE! I love, choose to love all people. I am not in a position to judge anyone. I am a sinner, I am not better than anyone; I am the lowest of the low. But I tremble in fear for a Nation who sets aside such a day in a time when we are on the brink of disaster at every turn and need the ear of God to heal or nation and our world. I shudder to think what our Founding Fathers would say about about how twisted powerless their words and ideals have become.
The Bible is clear on what happens to a nation that refuses to turn from her sin; will we ever begin to listen?

Another thought; what if your local church were to start a National or Annual Coming To Christ Day? What would that look like in your towns and neighborhoods? How would it be reported in the media? Food for thought, munch munch.

What? Update? Really? YES finally

Ya well what can I say; you've heard it all before. I am saddened a great deal by the gaps -canyons- between my postings.
You see it is not that I don't have anything to say; it is that I have so much to say I get tired just at the thought of trying to narrow my thoughts and ideas down and make it into a cohesive group of words.
Some of the problem too is my computer; it hates me. It really hates me being online. I switched browsers and that has helped some but not enough. I probably have some sort of junk on my computer that the programs I have to remove junk can't remove.
See a computer for me is like a car is for some people. Said people use the car to move them from point A to point B; know to put gas in it and maybe think of putting oil in or changing it if a light comes on and won't go off But said drivers don't check tire pressure,nor check the battery or bother with radiator fluid and the like. All said people know is that after a while the car just stops working.
I know how to so some tings on my computer; rely on it for certain things. I have a virus protection program and I have a couple of programs that I run to " clean up" my computer. I have no idea, however, what those programs actually do and I have no clue if they are doing a good job or not. What I do know is that it no longer works the way it used to work and that when I want to do something online it seems to think I have all day to sit and wait for pages to load. Even though I have DSL I often wonder if dial up could be any slower.
Back to all the things I have to say...I need to bite the bullet and get things written down before my head explodes; or would that be implode? Oh well, just saying I said all that to say I am going to try to write more and if anyone is still following me; please kick me in the backside once in a awhile OK?
More later, I promise...
Before I go please pray for my mom and my sister Lillie; Lillie has Hep C . She has been unconscious for over a week brought on by high ammonia in her blood. She has pneumonia in both lungs, her kidneys are failing because her liver is dead and the shunts put in her liver have clogged. We waited almost a week for her to be transferred to the hospital that her liver doctor works out of. Her doctor ordered meds to keep her in a coma so she is not suffering, however if her lungs do not clear up, there is little that can done be done for her. To make matters worse my mom can't stay with her as she is hospitalized in a hospital that is 2 hours away and she can't afford lodging there.
Thanks and God bless you!

I am a whore

I don't know how the pastor of your church introduces his sermon on Sunday but this song was how ours introduced his sermon this week.
I was introduced to this song by my daughter so I was familiar with it; a good half of the congregation were not; I could tell by the looks on their faces. Some of them had looks revulsion or anger at the crude words. But overall the reaction was one of pure repentance as one by one we saw ourselves as we truly are.
I cried all the way through the song as note by note conviction tore me apart until I was, once again, seeing myself in perspective. I forget so easily what Jesus' death
rescues me from every day that I let Him. So often I find myself talking about some one like I am better than they are or some such foolishness. But I am not, I am a whore and I need God's mercy and forgiveness; I need Jesus blood every second of every day.

Ban Mother's Day NOW!

I hate Mother's Day! There I said it and I am sure I am now considered at best very strange; probably more like downright awful. But I stand by it, I hate it. I hate thinking about my mother history, dismal as it is. I hate myself for the mistakes I made and the ones I continue to make as a mother. I am sick of sermons extolling the virtues of good mothers, godly, Proverbs woman mothers and knowing that I am not even close. I deplore that try as I might I expect some acknowledgment as though I might deserve it. I disdain the disappointment I always end up feeling when someone didn't remember what day it is.
But yesterday hit a new low in Mother's Days for me. My son told me that he feels like he could/ can never depend on me. When I told my other child what he said; she gave a lot of excuse for his harshness and lack of tact but she didn't disagree. She didn't disagree because she can't; it is the truth. The only prize I could ever win as a mother is for being around; because I was never and will never be "there" for my children.

Mug

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Good Friday Musings

I am both saddened and hopeful about the meaning of this day. I am saddened by the fact that my Savior was beaten so severely his flesh was torn from His body and His face was a mass of broken bones, cuts, and bloody bruises. I am saddened by the fact that my sin held Him to the wooden death machine they nailed Him to and hung Him from. Saddened by not just His death; but death by the most hideously painful torture that existed; for me. Saddened that knowing all of this I still sin, I still sometimes decide to go my own way and ignore Him.
Hopeful; knowing that because He did what He did, that because He allowed Himself to be treated so; I can come before the throne of Holy God and not perish. Hopeful because this day, this horror is not the whole story.

Watch This Movie Or I"ll Shoot Your Shamrock

I mean really it won Best Picture and many other awards at the Oscars. Yes I just got around to seeing The King's Speech last night and enjoyed it immensely. If you have not seen it yet, I do recommend it. It has some cursing in it but that is all and the way the way the cursing is used is pretty funny.

In Which Molten Lava Flows From Her Mouth

I feel sometimes like I am a volcano. Trying so hard to leave so many things unsaid , so many thoughts not spoken, so many tears un-shed that I become unstable and suddenly erupt with little or no warning. Most people would never guess this of me. They wouldn't believe that I could anything but quiet and sweet. They don' realize that I am filled with smoldering lava. It stays there and it simmers; waiting for a that moment when all is quiet and seemingly calm; to boil and erupt; and burn every good thing that has grown, every step of progress made, and every hope ever dreamed.
Most people do not know that I am a monster.

But God knows, and somehow, He doesn't turn away, He doesn't turn His back and say "you are not worthy of my love, monster" Instead God embraces me and speaks in my ear softly of a love I cannot comprehend. He speaks of a love that sacrifices the very Son Of God, to save me. A love that doesn't exclude monsters, but instead tells me I am made in the very image of God and I am beautiful.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Me And My Shadow....

This is a portrait taken by a local studio during the Christmas season as a kind of "give back to the community " program. It is me and my son, Jonathan. We also got individual ones; though I have no idea what to do with them. I don't know why anyone I know would want a picture of me, except my daughter and maybe my mom; and my son doesn't have any friends. I went to get the portraits done because of a lost dream of a family portrait I wanted done ever since the kids were in high school. So now I have these pictures and I had this idea for a post to use with this one. You see,J is my son and I love him dearly; he is one of the greatest blessing in my life; but he is also one of my greatest challenges . He has P.D.N.O.S. (Psychotic Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) find out more here if you care to. He was diagnosed when he was about 6 years old. Of course you ought to know I am mentally ill myself. Turns out the communication problems he has due his mental illness, and the communication problems I have due to my mental illness have us at odds a good part of the time.
I digress; what prompted this blog post was scanning the pictures and remembering that my daughter left a comment that demanded pictures soon after I told her I had some done. This in turn inspired the title because the main thing that makes my son such a challenge to me but also such a blessing is that he has an unusually strong attachment to me. I could go on and on about that but for his sake I won't. Suffice it to say, thus the title of this post.
I love you, son; please don't ever doubt that.

It's Just The Dark Before The Morning

I don't know if I have mentioned before that I do BSF ; but I do. This year we are doing Isaiah which has just been added to the studies BSF does. They also do Acts of The Apostles,Romans, John, Genesis, The Life of Moses and The Minor Prophets. But I digress a bit. I bring up BSF because I have not been keeping up with my study this year. I have not done well in that area for a couple of years now but never as bad as this time. I counted up and I have not completed half of the lessons for this year so far. I was not really surprised at the number but it was painful to face none the less. The reason I counted them up is I have made a determination to finish strong. That said; I finished my whole lesson this week which was on Isaiah 49. You can read the passage here . I did the whole lesson and was so blessed. What blessed me most was verses 7-13 and even more so when I read it in the Message .
Heavens, raise the roof! Earth, wake the dead!
Mountains, send up cheers!
God has comforted his people.
He has tenderly nursed his beaten-up, beaten-down people
That's me! I am His people and He has comforted me, is comforting me.

Where Oh Where Has She Gone?

Yes I am still alive; though little has change since my last post. I am overall less discouraged than when last I wrote though. Physically I am still battling lung issues, and the Fibromyalgia is not under control (because a body needs oxygen) and my back and neck are giving me fits. Add Osteoarthritis to the mix and you have no fun for sure. My weight continues to rise as I have no energy to cook or exercise. Round and round we go :<.
I went to a training seminar with Stuart Scott on Biblical Counseling (see ) at the behest of my pastor and learned a lot about myself. I also learned why secular counseling has left me wanting so. What a Christian needs is discipleship counseling. I am excited about where this training will take me and our small group in the future.
I am though still struggling with depression, especially this last week since my MD changed my medicine. I am hoping the withdrawal symptoms will end in the next day or two and that my emotions will level out some.
More later.