Shake Rattle And Sift

Finally I'm back; sorry it has taken me so long. There has been some issues with computer sharing in the household.
I have a lot of things rattling around in this mess of mind I have. I will try to sort some of them out here. Firstly I have been thinking a lot about the situations in Iraq and Syria.
I am dumbfounded at the disparity of the news coverage compared to Ferguson MO. James Wright Foley's execution finally caused the attention to come back to what is going on in Iraq. I can't imagine the pain Mr. Foley's family is going through right now but neither can I imagine the choice all those family's in Iraq are having to make just because they don't believe the same way a small group of people think they should. I am also puzzled as to why many Christians weren't saying much of anything about Iraq until they heard about other Christian's dying for their faith. How is it worse that Christians were beheaded and such those who are Muslim etc.? It seems to me it would be worse the other way around because at least the Christians have real hope beyond this life. I guess I am just plain disgusted with human beings right now.
Let me preface my next rant thusly; I try really hard not to be racist; I don't judge people based on what they look like or where they come from but prejudice is; I believe an inescapable human condition.
The situation in Ferguson has finally turned a corner. Last night was; at last, peaceful. I just find it odd and irksome that what made the difference seems to be that Attorney General Eric Holder came to town. Mr. Holder is black. I just have a hard time believing that a white Attorney General coming to town would have had the same impact as Mr. Holder's did. I also saw a poll on the news that 60% of black people approve of President Obama's response to what was going on in Ferguson. Really? He refused to come back from his vacation in an act of support until a white journalist was beheaded in Iraq; but that's okay. Why? Because he is a black president? Why was it okay for Obama to basically ignore what was going on in Ferguson; yet so a previous administration to be vilified for the failings of FEMA during hurricane Katrina? Why do people rage about inequality and then partake of it with the same mouth? Why is it okay to vote for someone on the basis of race alone then cry about racism?
See I think all of these things and have all these questions I am afraid to say or ask for fear that I will be criticized for these thoughts. I just don't understand the way people think. I know I can't understand what it is like to be black; to have the color of my skin be who and what I am before anything else. But does that mean I have no right to say anything? Does that mean I have no right to an opinion?
See, the way I see what happened in Ferguson wasn't " look what those black people are doing" it was " look what those angry people are doing". My concerns were for the families trapped in their homes and businesses that were unable to open or damaged or both. My fear was that the violence would begat more violence; that the anger would give birth to more anger. My fears were realized all to truly and my heart weeps for this country that our communities can so easily be divided and torn apart. In the depths of my being I mourn for the Michael Browns of this world. But even more my heart mourns each man, woman and child whose lives were brutally taken from them by ISIS. My heart is torn in pieces over the parents who had to watch their children starve to spare them torture and beheading. I can't fathom how a world can sit by and so little in the face of these things. How often we as humans bemoan what is wrong with the world rather than reaching out to do something about the things we can change.
I shake my head in sorrow and confusion as these thoughts rattle around in my head and in writing I am trying to sift out all the prejudice and hurt. I cry out to God for patience with my fellow man and especially my brothers and sisters in Christ when I see a lack of empathy for those who don't know the redeeming power of grace through Jesus Christ. My spirit bleeds a little each time I see a professing Christian judge another's sin rather than lift them up. My spirit mourns when I replay in my head things I have said in anger rather than understanding. How easily we spout Bible verses to condemn but forget the words of our Savior that He did not come into the world to condemn it but to save it. I cry out to God to help me see through His eyes and I as I do all the stuff I wrote above no longer matters.
I hope I have not offended any one; it is not my intention.
Grace and peace CAC

In Which Molten Lava Flows From Her Mouth

I feel sometimes like I am a volcano. Trying so hard to leave so many things unsaid , so many thoughts not spoken, so many tears un-shed that I become unstable and suddenly erupt with little or no warning. Most people would never guess this of me. They wouldn't believe that I could anything but quiet and sweet. They don' realize that I am filled with smoldering lava. It stays there and it simmers; waiting for a that moment when all is quiet and seemingly calm; to boil and erupt; and burn every good thing that has grown, every step of progress made, and every hope ever dreamed.
Most people do not know that I am a monster.

But God knows, and somehow, He doesn't turn away, He doesn't turn His back and say "you are not worthy of my love, monster" Instead God embraces me and speaks in my ear softly of a love I cannot comprehend. He speaks of a love that sacrifices the very Son Of God, to save me. A love that doesn't exclude monsters, but instead tells me I am made in the very image of God and I am beautiful.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

You Asked For It...And Then Some

My dear sweet daughter has asked me to update; so here I go.
I know I have promised more to come on the Living Proof Live Simulcast we had as part of our church's woman's retreat and I still intend to. But it so happened I found my shared items in Google Reader something very close to my heart that I must share with you all. I suffer from Major Depression with an unusual twist of what my first doctor called Deep Depression and also recurring clinical depression. What all that means is that the length of time I lived with the traumas in my life that had caused me to be depressed and the length of time my depression was left untreated left my brain chemistry permanently altered. Medication keeps me alive but doesn't lift the depression like it is supposed to. I go thorough cycles also, usually related to stresses in my life such as death in the family, severe illness, etc.
Over the last year I have been going through one of those cycles. There have been some major stresses in my life, but there have also been some medication changes. Turns out the kind of medicine that helps the most also damages my liver. To say this a problem is like saying the Grand Canyon is a ditch.
So I read this post by someone I never heard of that was shared by my daughter and I cried all the way through it.

Here you go I hope http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/depression-is-selfishtouches you in some way, or helps educate you, or gives you the tools to educate someone else. Once you've read it would you pray for me, and for all those who suffer from this awful disease. Thank you and God Bless You.

" McNugget" Madness and other lessons from Beth Moore

One never knows what one will hear when she attends a Beth Moore event. Today was a Living Proof Simulcast with Beth Moore and I was blessed to be able to attend due to a friends kindness. Kindness it turns out was the theme for today's event. In discussing how we can lose our selves in life's disappointments and frustrations Beth referred to this . I must admit I had never heard about it before so was anxious to see it when I got home. The story is that a woman came through a McDonald's drive thru early in the morning recently and ordered Chicken McNuggets. Of course she was told they are not available until lunch hours start. She was not satisfied and tried several times to get someone to cook her some anyway. When she didn't get her way she became violent. Hearing about it I knew that my behavior of late really wouldn't be much better than that woman's if any. I have had some major hissy fits at my son that send my Dorkie running for cover and cause my German Shepard to hang her head and emlpoy her "what do I do?" face. What did I have these fits about? Nothing more justified than wanting McNuggets at 6am. Oh sure I can try to justify it, just as I am sure this woman did her behavior. After all couldn't they have just cooked some up for her? But I the fact is that she was making it all about her not caring about the rules, not caring about the fact that the woman trying to serve her didn't make the rules; ;only caring that she wasn't getting what she wanted. I have been living my life for me, caring only about me. Living as though miy pain is the pain that should matter, as though my needs are the ones that should be met. Acting as though my loneliness is the only loneliness that hurts this deep. Truth is I need more kindness shown to me in my life, but also the truth the only One Whom I can depend on to show me kindness is My Savior and He has already shown me more kindness than I can wrap my head around by coming as a man and dying on the cross and defeating death and sin so I can be with Him forever.
I will try to write more about the simulcast. It was a wonderful day. I wish I had seen more people there whom I know needed refreshment from God's Word.